just go
by M.M. Mendell
Summary: AU. When Jason finally wakes up from his walking coma, two things become immediately apparent: One, he is definitely at least a foot taller than he used to be. Two, he doesn't have wings. Which, okay. He understands. The Lazarus Pit can't heal everything, and he wouldn't deserve it anyway. So it doesn't matter. Jason is fine. Now, if only everyone else would accept it. [JayRoy]
1. Succiduous

**Notes/Warnings** : wingfic, canon-typical violence, mentions of depression, angst with a happy ending.

 **Pairings** : Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain/Stephanie Brown, other implied or ambiguous pairings.

* * *

["Succiduous"- _falling, in the process of falling_ ]

* * *

He couldn't breathe. It felt like his chest was collapsing into itself, and Jason choked on a mouthful of blood. He could hear the Joker's insane cackles, but he was determined not to react. He wasn't going to give this bastard _anything_.

"What's the matter, little birdie? Not up for a conversation with good ol' Uncle Joker?"

The freak's gloved hand roughly grabbed his hair, wrenching his head up. Jason just breathed slowly through his nose, eyes involuntary slipping closed when the Joker tried to make eye contact with him.

"Oh, come on now! That's not very nice, you know."

His head was slammed against the concrete, and Jason almost bit through his tongue when stars erupted in his vision.

"F-fuck you," he spat out, unable to take it anymore.

The Joker tutted disapprovingly. Even though Jason couldn't see his face from this angle, slumped forward on his stomach with his arms tied behind him, he could perfectly imagine the deranged grin the madman was sporting.

"How rude," he mock-scolded, and Jason involuntarily flinched when the man's hands, already sticky with drying blood clinging to them, latched onto his wings and _pulled_.

Jason let out a startled, pain-filled scream. He lashed out, wings flaring out in an attempt to escape the punishing grip.

 _No!_ He should have known. The Joker had been so careful this whole time, making sure to never touch his wings directly, not even striking the back muscles responsible for controlling them with that goddamned crowbar. And now he knew why. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't because there was a few lines even the Joker wouldn't cross, the wings that represented a human's very soul being one of them. No, he had just been waiting until it would make the biggest impact.

The final punchline.

Jason let out a choked sob as the Joker kept yanking backwards, ripping and tearing in a way that made bones crack, feathers falling to the concrete floor beside him.

Jason opened blurry eyes to see one of them flutter to the ground next to his head, and he could feel tears dripping down his face. It was deep black, though he could see the smallest hint of brown speckles underneath.

He'd always loved his wings. They were the only thing he allowed himself to be vain over. His wingspan was huge, a fact belied by his own short stature. And when they weren't covered in dirt and dust, they were a beautiful, magnificent shade of red. They had to be dyed when he was out on patrol, but he knew what they really were. They were a representation of his _soul_ , of who he really was.

That's why he'd always been so proud of them. Because plumage like that wasn't the type you'd expect on a street rat from Crime Alley- they were the kind of pretty wings you'd see on Robin. On a _hero_.

But now the Joker was pulling out a knife and his surroundings were already full of bloodied feathers and his mother was tied to a post across from him, shrieking at the Joker to _stop you're going to kill him this was not part of our deal stop!_

Jason took a deep, shuddering breathing as the Joker began to cut and then all he could hear was _screaming_.

/=\

"Jason, WAKE UP!"

He burst into wakefulness, hand closing around the gun under his pillow and fear still racing through his veins. He almost clocked the intruder in the face, but the sight of her viciously bright red hair and concerned expression managed to stop him right in time.

"Sasha," he acknowledged, taking a deep breath in an attempt to put off his imminent heart attack. "Did I wake you?"

His teenaged partner (they both preferred that title- there was _no way in hell_ Jason was going to take on a sidekick) shook her head, worry clear in the way she bit her lip as she stared at him.

"No… I've been awake for awhile. It's already afternoon."

Jason frowned, reflexively checking the time. Yep, it was a bit past three.

"Damn it," he scrubbed at his face, avoiding Sasha's gaze. This had been happening more often than not, lately. Red Hood and Scarlet would go out on a late-night patrol, get back around four in the morning, and then Jason Todd wouldn't wake up for hours.

He… honestly wasn't sure why. He'd just been sleeping the days away, sometimes not waking up until Sasha would get hungry and need dinner. His life seemed to be blurring into an endless cycle of patrol-food-sleep that made him lose stretches of time.

Jason fucking _hated_ it. Sasha deserved so much _better_ than that, didn't deserve to deal with all of his bullshit, especially when she had already given up so much to help him and his thankless work as an almost-legal vigilante.

"I was gonna just let you sleep, but…" she trailed off, fidgeting as Jason finally turned his gaze towards her, patiently waiting for an answer. "Well, you were _screaming_. I couldn't just leave you like that."

Jason sighed. Figures, he was causing trouble to his teenaged charge even when he was asleep. He wondered how many other times he'd distracted her, or woken her up after a tiring patrol that she'd been too nice to mention.

"I'm sorry, Jason," Sasha said quietly, expression miserable like she thought she'd done something _wrong_.

"No, no," he rushed to reassure her, taking her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry over. I was having a bad dream, thank you for waking me."

Her expression brightened, and she beamed at him.

Fuck, he was _so bad_ at this. He could barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. That's why he'd wanted Sasha to stay with Roy, after the Outlaws (kind of) broke up, but she had vehemently refused. And he didn't get why. She loved Lian, and tolerated Roy, and there she would be able to actually _live_. Go to school, have friends her own age instead of surviving on the sparse lessons Jason was able to give her in-between jobs and the few sidekicks he managed to arrange training sessions with for her. Sasha would be better off with Roy, hell she'd be better off with _Bruce_. But she insisted on staying with him.

Jason couldn't understand it. In the aftermath of that kidnapping incident a few months ago, her Dollotron mask had been ripped off, thankfully leaving her with little injury. Jason figured after that, she would want to try having a normal life again- well, as normal as someone in their circle _could_ , but she'd showed no signs of wanting to leave.

She was still painfully shy and incredibly vicious in turn, hesitant when faced with a civilian and brutal with criminals, so brilliant and insightful that it sometimes made his heart ache from nostalgia of days long passed, and Jason was selfishly glad that she stayed.

"Well, since we're both awake, do you want to watch a show with me?" she said brightly, gripping his hand so tightly he thought his heart could burst from the emotions it evoked.

Jason groaned theatrically, "You're gonna make me watch the _Super Friends_ again, aren't you?"

It was a stupid cartoon based on flimsy imitations of the Justice League, but it still managed to rake in millions of viewers, Sasha being one of them. Jason insisted that he only watched it for the irony, but he secretly found it pretty entertaining. It was action-oriented with very little actual plot, but there was some pretty good one-liners, and Jason had always been a fan of the cheesy stuff. Not to mention, their Wonder Woman character was a total badass, and he was almost as enamored of her as he was of the real thing.

"Hey, I watch your _telenovelas_!" Sasha protested. "And those are _way_ more ridiculous than my shows!"

"Guilty," Jason shrugged, and he stretched as he got off the spare bed. As always, his shoulder blades itched, an ache beginning to manifest from a combination of overuse and underuse. He ignored it easily, having had many long years of practice.

"Hurry, hurry!" Sasha chanted, racing into the little kitchen area this safe house had in order to turn on their tiny TV. Jason ambled after her, yawning widely. He sat at the kitchen table, smiling at the joyous expression on her face. She tried so hard to be serious, it was nice to see her have simple enjoyment over things like this.

As always, his eyes were unconsciously drawn to her wings. They were laying limp, practically dragging along the floor even as she settled down in a stool right in front of the television.

Sasha's wings had a subtle kind of beauty. They were a multitude of different shades of brown, the color layering down until the tips of her feathers were almost yellow. But of course, the pretty colors were never the first thing someone paid attention to. No, they always focused on the fact that both her wings were bent at awkward angles, the primary feathers completely torn out. While in the loving care of Professor Pyg, her wings had been brutally mutilated. She would never be able to fly.

The two of them were the same, in that way.

During a commercial, before which their heroes had been left dangling precariously above a pit of molten lava filled with 'lava sharks' (seriously) Jason stood, scratching the back of his head as he questioned whether he had enough fruit to make a smoothie.

After a quick inspection, the answer was clearly 'yes'. They had a lot of fruit. A suspicious amount of fruit, actually. Jason did not remember buying all this fruit.

Internally, he shrugged. It was probably just Roy, being a meddlesome idiot as usual. Ever since the guy had gotten over his initial panic attack of ' _oh god Jason, Kori, I have a kid, what the hell do I do with a child, am I supposed to feed it?_ ', he'd started mothering everyone else as well. Jason still insisted _that_ was the real reason the Outlaws mainly stuck to their own territories now. He and Kori just couldn't take the incessant needling anymore.

Reaching up, he took the blender out of the cabinet and plugged it in.

"Hey, I'm gonna make a smoothie," he said absentmindedly, "you want one?"

"Sure!" Sasha nodded, before her eyebrows drew up in confusion. "Wait, since when did this safehouse have a _blender_? For that matter, since when have we had a blender at _all_?"

"We didn't," Jason admitted shamelessly. "Until I stole this one from Roy, that is."

"What, seriously?" she laughed, turning in her chair to face him. "What did you do, smuggle it out underneath your shirt?"

"I put it in my duffle bag. Then I told Roy not to open it under any circumstances, because I had a bunch of severed heads in it."

"You're the _worst_ ," Sasha choked out, shoulders shaking with laughter. "He's gonna be so annoyed once he figures it out. He knows you'd _never_ have anything like that with you when you're around Lian!"

Jason smirked, chopping up fruit to dump in the blender, "Nah, he won't get mad. He'll just pout about being fooled, then whine about it to me for weeks until the _next_ time I trick him."

"The _worst_."

"What can I say?" he shrugged, flashing her a winning smile. "It's just part of my charm."

"I guess someone has to think so," she rolled her eyes, before perking up suddenly. "Hey, speaking of Roy! He called earlier, while you were asleep. Wanted to remind you about that 'team reunion' tomorrow night?"

This time, Jason was the one tempted to roll his eyes.

"He does this _every week_ ," he grumbled, though good-naturedly. "You'd think he would have a little faith in my punctuality by now."

"Ah, you know he worries," she teased.

"Yeah, I think the entire planet knows."

"About _you_ , though. Specifically."

He did roll his eyes at that, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Sasha."

She'd been not-so-subtly hinting for months that Roy had… _non-platonic_ feelings for him. Which was ridiculous. And made him way too hopeful, so he did his best to shut down that line of conversation as soon as possible.

"Well, he said he texted you before calling, so you might wanna check your phone for a string of Grumpy Cat gifs, but he mainly just wanted to know if I wouldn't mind babysitting Lian."

"Wait, he wants to go out this time?" Jason said, speaking louder so that he could be heard over the sound of the whirring blender.

"I guess so! He didn't say where, though. I'd bring a jacket, just in case."

"Alright," he shrugged, turning the machine off and grabbing two cups to dump the mushy goop in. "Makes no difference to me. Kori will stop me if I'm about to do something stupid."

Sasha just hummed as she took her smoothie, studiously not saying anything.

Jason sensed a mutiny.

He was about to interrogate her as to what she and Kori had been plotting when he wasn't looking, but he was distracted when the show came back on. Sasha immediately returned her attention to it, watching intently as she sipped her drink.

"Oh, don't forget," she mumbled. "We have to get going soon. We're supposed to head to the Manor for dinner later."

Jason almost spewed out his disgustingly healthy smoothie, "Shit, was that today?"

"Yup."

He cursed again, eyeing the nearby window with deep longing. In an attempt to coerce everyone into getting along again, Alfred had begun to enforce monthly family dinners. They actually happened weekly, but Jason was able to beg off going most times on the account that he was still recovering from the Pit's influence (which was mostly untrue), and that he was afraid Tim might poison his food (which was definitely true). Forget Damian, _Tim_ was the real terrifying one in the family.

But he hadn't been able to get out of this one, since a new family member was being officially brought into the fold. There had been a big gala around noon to welcome him, but Jason obviously couldn't go, seeing as "Jason Todd, second ward of billionaire Bruce Wayne", was _legally dead_. It made it really hard to get invited to the good parties, at any rate.

"Ugh," he let his head fall onto the table, groaning pitifully. "Think there's still a chance to flee the country?"

"Alfred would find you," Sasha said simply. "He would find you, and drag you back to the Manor by your ear. Then he'd guilt-trip you into staying for at least a week. I know how you work, Jay, and so does he."

 _Dammit_. She was totally right. Jason had always been a sucker for Alfred. One disapproving look from him had been enough to make him apologize to Dick for one of his (many) attempted stabbings. Dick had been extremely gracious about the whole thing of course, which just made it worse. And he had then proceeded to hold it over Jason's head for months on end, using it as a way to end all of their arguments- _"You tried to stab me!"_ , the jackass.

He could already feel the headache building up.

"Fine," he said, trying valiantly not to sound like he was pouting. "Once this episode is over, we better get going. Don't wanna be late."

She grinned knowingly, before clapping her hands in excitement, "Oh! Can we take the bike?"

Jason considered it. True, his motorcycle wasn't the most 'street legal', and probably had a few bloodstains on it if you cared to look, so that wouldn't do much for his reputation. But on the other hand, it would most _definitely_ piss off Bruce.

" _Hell yeah!_ We are _totally_ gonna take the bike."

Sasha cheered, and Jason smiled smugly. He was gonna drive Bruce to an ulcer, one way or another.

* * *

 **Notes** :

This is basically a mash-up of a bunch of different canons, so that's why some things might seem a bit weird timing-wise. But this an AU already, so who cares? Oh, and just as a heads up: I hc Jason as Latinx and Roy as half Navajo, so that's what they are in this fic- I didn't get a chance to go into it that much, but it's there. Also, this is crossposted on AO3 under the same username.

Please review!


	2. Eicophobia

"Eicophobia"- _the irrational and persistent fear of home_

* * *

Jason could feel his nerves returning with a vengeance as the two of them approached the Wayne Manor. Sasha was clinging to him, arms wrapped around his waist as her helmet rested against his leather-clad back.

He really hoped this was going to go well. Most of the time he didn't give a shit, but after the big blowout he'd had with Bruce a while ago, he'd left Sasha in a very awkward position. Jason was determined not to do that to her again- he'd hold his tongue, even if it killed him.

And knowing this bunch, it just might.

They pulled up the long driveway, coming to a halt right in front of the building's steps. Jason bit back a groan when he noticed Bruce standing by the door. He must have seen them through his creepy camera system.

Bruce insisted that he didn't use it to stalk any of them, but Jason wasn't convinced.

"You're late," he growled.

Jason scoffed, reaching up to take off his helmet as he and Sasha jumped off the bike, "What do you want me to say? We're here. Are we gonna do this or not?"

He stormed past him, throwing open the door to head inside. Behind him, Sasha hesitate for a moment.

"Sorry," she whispered, nervously scratching at her arm. "We… were watching a show. I didn't know it was a two-parter, and I wanted to see what happened. It's my fault we were late."

"I'm not upset," Bruce said shortly. He _sounded_ upset. The two stood there in awkward silence for a moment before he coughed, turning around. "We should go in. Alfred already has dinner prepared, everyone's waiting in the dining room."

"Right," Sasha smiled weakly, running to catch up with Jason. He was standing in the foyer, waiting for her and trying to stall for as long as possible.

"You ready?" he said lowly, reaching out to clasp her shoulder reassuringly.

"I think the real question here is whether _you_ are," she replied. Jason grimaced, and the two finally ventured into the dining room, Bruce following right behind them.

Everyone fell silent when they entered, staring expectantly. He hated that, especially when everyone else had their wings out and on full display, and he had nothing and no soul and only scars to show that he'd ever had one at all. Jason awkwardly took a seat, Sasha sitting next to him. Unfortunately, that put her right across from Damian, and Jason already knew that wasn't going to end well.

"Hey, Little Wing!" Dick said cheerfully, always the first to break the tension.

"Hi…" Jason muttered, staring listlessly into his glass of water and really wishing it was booze.

Despite the lackluster response, Dick doggedly pressed on, "So, what have you two been up to lately? Anything fun? Any big jobs?"

Jason shrugged. Sasha took pity on him, however, and answered.

"Well, we haven't really been doing too much. Some drug busts and stuff like that, not anything too major. We've been helping out Roy a lot though, since it's harder for him to patrol his territory now."

"Oh, yeah!" he brightened. "How is Lian doing? I text Roy all the time but he never answers me!"

"What exactly do you text him about?" Jason asked, suspicion rising as he glanced at his older brother.

"Uh…" Dick grinned sheepishly. "Mainly I just send him Selfies."

"That would explain it," Jason rolled his eyes. With that, the whole room just seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Conversations flared back up, Stephanie drawing Sasha in with a question about how she managed to get her hair up in spikes like that, with Cass sitting next to her quietly holding her hand and observing the group.

Jason caught her eye, and the two nodded to each other. He respected Cassandra, though he didn't agree with her methods. They'd constantly fought in the beginning, but they had managed to come to a silent agreement- Jason would refrain from using excessive violence in her presence, and she wouldn't attempt to beat his face in. The deal kind of favored Cass more, but whatever was less likely to end up in pain for him was the better option in this case.

Besides… he'd been trying to tone down the violence by himself, too. Jason still planned on using guns (even if they had rubber bullets), and he would take action if he needed to, but he'd decided that if he really wanted to help Sasha, he couldn't go around shooting every two-bit criminal they came across. He tried to keep that as a last resort, nowadays.

As a result, his relationship with Cass was fairly decent, and her girlfriend Steph was a riot. She knew what it was like to not have Bruce's approval when it counted, so they got along pretty well.

Dick had thankfully been distracted from continuing his interrogation, joining up with Barbara and Alfred to badger an exhausted looking Tim. Damian was scowling, picking at his food and Bruce was sitting loftily at the head of the table, looking over his kingdom with vigilant eyes.

Which left-

"Duke," Jason nodded in greeting. "Nice to meet you. Officially, I mean."

The newest member of the Batfamily gave him a lopsided grin, reaching out to shake hands, "Same. I gotta say, you're lookin pretty good for a guy that's supposedly been dead for eight years. The whole zombie aesthetic is clearly working for you."

Jason let out a startled laugh, gladly shaking the other's hand and absently noting that Duke's skin was only a few shades darker than his own, "I like you already!"

"Glad to hear it," Duke said, a teasing expression in place. "I heard that you gave all the other Robins a little initiation test, but I don't think I'd win against you. You're pretty muscular for a zombie."

"Escaping from your own grave ' _Thriller_ ' style definitely does give you some killer abs," Jason acknowledged, leftover tension gradually disappearing.

"Oh? _Killer_ abs?" Duke raised an eyebrow, making Jason almost slap himself at the realization.

"Damn it, that pun was not on purpose. Don't try to pin that on me!"

"Don't worry, I thought it was pretty _punny_."

"I've changed my mind. Cass is my favorite now."

"Wow, I'm your favorite already?" Duke nudged him with a mischievous leer. His broad wings, layered in varying shades of beige, fluttered in a way that belied his amusement.

Jason just groaned, stuffing a piece of shrimp in his mouth to get out of answering. Okay, so Duke was pretty cool. There's no way he was gonna say that out loud though.

The rest of dinner went much better than expected, honestly. Sure, Tim tried to stab Damian with a fork for grabbing the last piece of pie and Jason had to battle Dick over the paella, but nobody died, so he was counting that as a win. Sasha didn't even attempt to murder Damian at all, which was a bit of a surprise, really.

She had pretty much hated Damian after he had left her and her father behind while engaging Professor Pyg. Jason had a bit more sympathy for this, seeing how torn up Damian had been about it, but it was still a shitty move. And the damn brat attacking him all the time to try and prove himself as the 'ultimate Robin' or some shit like that hadn't done anything to endear himself to her any further.

All in all, Jason was satisfied. Alfred had even gone through the effort to make some of Jason's favorite dishes, which was most appreciated.

After they finished eating, everyone congregated in the living room, settling on the ridiculously expensive couches. Everybody got lulled back into their conversations, Jason nodding along miserably as Duke complained about all the rips he was always getting in his costume.

"And the worst part of it is, it takes forever to get the bloodstains out!" he bemoaned, sighing theatrically. "I mean, my uniform is bright yellow! Which I can admit was a bit of a design flaw, but now it's become my _thing_."

"I get ya," Jason commiserated. "That was a bitch to deal with when I was still wearing the scaly greens. I will happily confess that it played a large part in choosing to wear nothing but black and red. Bloodstains aren't nearly as much of a concern then."

"True," Duke pondered for a moment. "…Think it's too late to change my look?"

"Hey, Timbo's changed his uniform at least four times in the last year, do whatever the hell you want."

"Shut up, 'Mr. I wear the same jacket every single day'," Tim shot back, overhearing their conversation. "Like anyone should take fashion advice from _you_."

"My jacket is awesome!" Jason protested, feeling unreasonably offended.

"Sure it is," Tim scoffed, rolling his eyes. His wings, green with faint gray speckles, twitched slightly in what Jason could interpret as a mix of amusement and irritation.

" _I_ like your jacket, Jay," Sasha said loyally.

The others were all sniggering at him, and he could feel the tips of his ears burning, "Screw all of you guys, you're all _awful_."

"Oh!" Dick perked up, breaking off from his conversation with Damian. "That reminds me!"

 _What could that statement possibly remind you of?_ Jason thought worriedly, eyeing the older male with unmasked suspicion.

"Jason…" Dick hesitated for a moment, only continuing when Jason gave him a questioning look. "Well, I was just wondering… Have you- I mean, have you been thinking about physical therapy at all? I know that you said you didn't want to, but I really think you should reconsider-"

"No," Jason snapped, shoulders hunching up defensively. "I already told you my answer on that, and it's _no_."

"But it would really help with your- your back muscles!" Dick persisted, though he stumbled over the forbidden ' _wings_ ' word. "If this is about the money, I'd be happy to-"

"Fuck off, Dickie," Jason hissed, lurching off the loveseat to stomp outside.

"Jason?" Sasha called after, concerned. Jason paused in place for a moment, indecision warring within him.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said finally. "I'm just gonna have a smoke. Don't worry."

Then he left, escaping before anyone else could try to confront him.

He sat down on the steps, digging through his jacket for his pack of cigarettes, only to spew some nasty curses in his native Spanish. _Empty_.

Damn, he'd forgotten about that.

He leaned forward, scrubbing his hands over his face with a groan. There's no way he could just go back inside after making that whole scene, but he didn't have anything to do out here, either…

Suddenly, he remembered what Sasha had told him earlier. Jason pulled out his phone, tapping on the Messenger icon and bringing up his text conversation with Roy.

Just like Sasha had guessed, there was indeed a series of Grumpy Cat gifs, but there was some real messages at the bottom of the stupid meme spam.

From: Arse Harper

 **[10:34AM]** : _jaybird! why won't you answer me_

 **[10:35AM]** _: do you not love me anymore_

 **[10:40AM]** _: you're so cruel to me_

 **[10:57AM]** _: okay fine i guess i'll just call_

 **[10:57AM]** _: why you gotta twist my arm like this_

 **[10:58AM]** _: we need to work on our relationship, we are clearly having communication problems_

Jason snorted, not willing to admit that the silly messages had actually cheered him up a little. He started to craft his (late) reply.

 **[8:04PM]** : You knew that I had patrol yesterday, what made you think I was gonna be up already?

Only a few seconds later, Roy texted him back.

 **[8:05PM]** : _i texted you late! why were you still asleep at 1030, i thought you had plans today_

 **[8:05PM]** : I was tired, dumbass. 10:30 isn't that late. And yeah, I'm at the manor right now.

 **[8:06PM]** : _oh… you doing okay? you've been cranky lately, and i know visiting your fam never does anything for your nerves_

 **[8:06PM]** : I'm fine

 **[8:06PM]** : Thanks for the concern.

 **[8:07PM]** : _no prob jaybird! you cool for tomorrow?_

 **[8:08PM]** : Yeah. And Sasha said she'd love to babysit Lian, so we're good there.

 **[8:10PM]** : _awesome! can't wait to see you_

Jason hesitated at that, unsure of what to reply. For some reason, his face was getting hot.

 **[8:12PM]** : You too.

After that, he quickly shut off his phone, embarrassed over that sappy message. He'd have to be extra sarcastic later to him later in order to make up for it.

"Having fun, Master Jason?" Alfred suddenly appeared next to him, almost giving him a damn heart attack.

"I can never hear you coming," Jason said ruefully, clutching at his chest dramatically.

"Indeed," Alfred said primly, his hands clasped behind him. He nodded at Jason's phone, the corners of his lips curling up. "And how is your young man?"

"He's not _mine_ ," Jason muttered, though not as vehemently as he would've if it was literally anyone else asking. For all that crap he'd put the family through, and all the shitty things they'd done to him in return, Alfred had always been off-limits.

"If you say so, Master Jason."

"No, really," Jason insisted, not quite sure who he was trying to convince. "Roy means a lot to me, but…"

He trailed off, unsure of where he'd been going with that. Roy meant more than a lot- he'd been the only one to treat Jason with any sense of normalcy after he'd been resurrected with the Joker's love marks still decorating his back. Kori had tried, bless her, but no one on Tamaran had wings. She didn't really understand how much the absence of them changed the way people viewed Jason. How much it _disgusted_ people, how much they _pitied_ him.

Roy had never done any of that. Roy, with his gorgeous golden wings and his amazing hair and his warm and loving personality and even his stupid trucker hat-

 _Okay_ , this might be a bit of a problem.

Jason dropped his head back into his hands, whining pitifully.

"Don't worry, Master Jason," Alfred said knowingly, a gentle smile on his face. "I have a feeling that your prospects are not quite as hopeless as you believe."

"Well, I won't find out, so it doesn't matter," Jason said determinedly, standing up. He brushed off his pants before gesturing towards the door. "Ready to go back in?"

"Whenever you are," the elderly butler replied. He stopped Jason before he could reach for the handle, however, clasping his shoulder. "You deserve happiness, Master Jason. I regret that we couldn't be the ones to give it to you, but things have changed too much. We can't be your answer anymore. If Mr. Harper is your answer, than I encourage you to try and tell him that. There can be little lost, when searching for love."

"Thanks, Alfred," Jason said, swallowing thickly. Embarrassingly enough, he could feel his eyes watering up slightly.

Alfred just smiled, an infinite amount of wisdom lying just below the surface.

"Don't know what any of us would do without you," Jason laughed, and it was funny because it's definitely not a joke. Their family would crash and burn without Alfred there to guide them.

"Let us hope you'll never have to find out," he replied modestly.

/=\

Once inside, things pretty much leveled out.

"Look, I'm _really_ sorry Little Wing," Dick had tried to apologize. "I know you can take care of yourself, I didn't mean to imply that you-"

"Forget it," Jason interrupted. When Dick looked about to protest, Jason softened. "No, _really_. Yeah, you shouldn't have pushed. But _I_ shouldn't have snapped at you when you were only trying to help, and I shouldn't have stormed off in a hissy fit. Wanna just call it even?"

"Deal," Dick said, a relieved smile on his face.

When he sat back down, Sasha curled up next to him, clutching his hand shyly. She then returned to her conversation with Duke, but she didn't let go. Jason squeezed her hand in thanks, silently grateful.

He was okay. It was all okay.


	3. Souhaiter

["Souhaiter"- _to hope for; to wish for; feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen_ ]

* * *

About an hour later, Jason was getting antsy. Sure, nothing _too_ bad had happened, but this still felt like way too much social interaction for one day. Besides, it would take him and Sasha at least an hour to get back to the safehouse, and that was being generous. Gotham was always a traffic filled hellhole after all, no matter what time of day it was.

"Not that this hasn't been fun and all," he said, only being half-sarcastic, but managing to successfully draw everybody's attention, "but we have to get going. We've got a long drive."

Sasha broke off from her conversation with Duke, pouting slightly. However, she stood up to grab her coat with no complaint, making Jason feel a little guilty. It was true, though. If they wanted to be able to do any patrolling a before heading out to Roy's tomorrow, they needed to get some decent sleep tonight. Besides, he had a suspicion about a new drug that he and Sasha had been encountering, and he needed to be on his top game if he wanted to investigate properly.

Everyone stood up, saying cheerful goodbyes. Dick pulled Jason in for a hug, which he tolerated a bit longer than usual in an effort to make up for his jerkish behavior from earlier, but he squirmed out of the older man's contact the second he began to _squeeze_.

"Okay, okay," Jason scowled, pointedly dusting off his jacket. "That's about the end of my goodwill. See you later, Dickiebird."

Luckily, Dick didn't take offense. He merely beamed, looking pleased he'd even gotten that much.

"Of course, Little Wing! Don't be a stranger!"

Jason huffed, but didn't protest the nickname, "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Next to him, Tim hid a smile, "Be careful, Jason. Your sentimentality is showing."

"Shut it, _Timothy_ ," despite his harsh tone, he still held out a fist to his younger brother. Tim smirked, fist-bumping him. "Try to stay out of trouble, red. I'd hate to have to swoop in and save your ass again."

"Oh please," he rolled his eyes. "Who, out of the two of us, is most often the one getting shot at?"

"I see your point, but I'm going to ignore it because it goes against _my_ argument."

"Wonderful," Tim said dryly. "Somehow, I feel like I should have expected that."

"Hey," Jason shrugged. "I live to please."

Duke came over, slinging a friendly arm across Jason's shoulders.

"It was good to finally meet you, man," he said, smiling. "I hope this won't be the last time we get to hang."

Jason eyed him for a moment, but didn't shake off his arm, "You got a phone? Y'know, for patrolling and shit?"

Duke blinked bemusedly at the non-sequitur, but nodded in confirmation.

"Yeah, it's…" he rummaged through his jacket for a moment, before producing the smartphone with a flourish. "Right here."

"Let me see it for a sec."

Duke shrugged, handing it over without a protest. Jason quickly pulled up his contact list, inputting his number and being sure to add the emergency symbol next to it. All the bat-issued phones had that capability- just in case shit _really_ went south and they couldn't access the comms.

"Here," he gave it back, letting Duke see what he'd done. "There's my 'work' number, in case you get into trouble. Actually, maybe you should get Sasha's too, in case I can't be reached for some reason."

To his surprise, Duke's cheeks flushed slightly.

"U-uh, yeah… About that," he said, avoiding eye-contact with a sheepish expression. "Sasha already gave me her number earlier. In case something happens, of course."

"Of course," Jason repeated, feeling wicked glee bubble up inside him. He was _so_ gonna be teasing the two of them about this later, especially after all the zombie jokes and terrible puns Duke had been throwing at him all night.

"Jay, you coming?" Sasha called, staring at him with a suspicious expression. He was almost proud. Her instincts had clearly gone off at the thought of potential embarrassment. Not to mention, she'd picked up that skeptical look from him.

"Yeah, I'm on my way!" he yelled back, leaving Duke with one last smirk before heading over to his teenage partner.

Bruce was standing next to her, and now that Jason was paying attention, he felt guilty for abandoning her so long. The man wasn't saying anything, just standing there- actually, _looming_ might have been a better choice of word. No wonder Sasha looked so eager to get the hell out of there.

"Jason," he said, before pausing and leaving the two in a stilted silence.

"…Yes?" Jason tried, eyeing him like a smoking bomb. "What's up, B?"

"It was… good, to have you here," Bruce said, looking like it was physically painful to be expressing so much emotion. "You should come by more often. We miss you."

"Thanks," Jason mumbled, oddly touched and trying not to show it. Things had been pretty quiet this time around. There hadn't been much talk of their 'night-time activities', and when there had been, it'd all been quite civil. And Bruce, not even once bringing up anything from the days when he first returned to Gotham? _That_ was a goddamned miracle. It was almost too good to be true.

Bruce broke the silence, clearly about to break out into hives from all the good feelings floating around.

"Well, have a good rest of your night."

Then he did something he hadn't done in a long time. Bruce moved forwards, taking plenty of time to let Jason track his movements if he wanted to dodge. But Jason stayed still, consumed by a mixture of shock and hope.

Gently, Bruce pulled him into a hug. His hands were unbearably careful when they circled around him, making sure not to put any pressure on the scars that still ripped through his back.

Jason stood there blankly for a moment, before hesitantly returning the embrace. He shivered when his hands brushed against the man's feathers, such a dark shade of blue that they were almost black. Bruce had always been different from the rest of them, in that way. He dyed his wings when he was going out as 'Brucie', allowing his true colors to shine only at night, as Batman. A time when no one would be able to properly see them, where they would never be illuminated by the light. It was only at times like these, unburdened by criminals or the press, that he allowed himself the luxury of his soul. Because as any member of their family knew, Brucie was just as much a mask as Batman was. He was a little closer to himself as Batman, but not quite. Bruce Wayne, their father, was the _true_ face of Gotham's protector.

As a kid, letting his own wings flare out as he pranced around the Batcave, he'd never been able to appreciate that. Now, he knew it all too well. A soul was a precious thing, and wings were a way for everyone to see what was there in the depths of his heart.

Jason didn't have wings anymore. So, what did that say for his soul?

He didn't know. He'd tried to answer that question once while he'd still been living with Talia. When he'd been angry and hurt and _truly_ soulless. He hadn't found a solution, but he had found the very last vestiges of his wrecked heart. That had to count for something.

Jason pulled back, coughing awkwardly. The two of them avoided each other's gazes, inexplicably embarrassed.

Sasha sighed, rolling her eyes fondly.

"C'mon, Jason. We should head out before it gets any later."

"Right," Jason said eagerly, grabbing onto that thread of conversation like a lifeline. "See you later, Bruce. And… thanks for having us. It was good to see you again."

Immediately after, he seized Sasha and made his escape. _God_ , why had he been acting so unbelievably _sappy_ recently?

He'd have to beat up some drug dealers or something later, just to make sure he wasn't losing his edge.

As the two of them hurriedly approached the bike, shielding themselves against the stiff Gotham breeze, Jason just couldn't resist one last parting shot.

"So, Duke? Man, you sure work fast," he teased, feeling vindicated when Sasha's face flushed violently, sputtering. "I mean, you only had for a few hours, and you managed to get a number _already_? Maybe I should be taking my dating advice from you."

"Oh come on, leave me alone!" she scoffed, shoving him lightly. "You haven't managed to land even _one_ date in all the time I've known you, so _any_ advice would help you at this point!"

"Oi!" he protested. "When did this become about me?"

"You brought it up," she pointed out, rolling her eyes. Then, her expression turned sly, and she slanted him a mischievous look. "Y'know, you _might_ be able to actually go out with any of those people you try and flirt with if you didn't immediately leave them behind the moment Roy needs something."

"Roy's my teammate, and my friend," Jason argued, though weakly. "If he needs me, I should be there no matter what I'm doing."

She stared at him for a moment, incredulous.

"Jeez, and you say you aren't in love with him," she taunted after a second of recovery.

"I…" Jason breathed out through his nose, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "I-I might be. Y'know, _maybe_."

Sasha didn't let up, staring at him more intently than she had the Super Friends, "Might be _what_?"

"In love with him," Jason admitted, staring at the ground. He only looked up when Sasha gently touched his cheek. She was beaming proudly, and something in Jason's heart swelled.

He swallowed, managing a grin, "You… don't look surprised. Is it really that obvious?"

"Oh yeah," she laughed. " _Extremely_ obvious."

Jason's eyes widened, a terrible thought occurring to him, "Shit, do you think Roy knows? He hasn't said anything, but you know that guy- he'll never say that it bothers him unless I start trying to _molest_ him- oh God, what if I've been making him uncomfortable this whole time and he just never told me-"

"Jason!" Sasha forcibly got his attention, looking him straight in the eye. "Calm. Down. Roy does _not_ hate you, he is not gonna refuse to see you or tell you not to talk to Lian or _whatever else_ you're thinking. He's your _best friend_."

Jason took a shuddering breath, concentrating on the sound of her voice.

She released him a moment later, eyeing him carefully, "Better?"

"Better," Jason agreed, gradually untensing his strained muscles.

"Good," she nodded firmly. "Now, I don't know if he's aware. The only way to find out is to ask."

He grimaced, wishing fervently that there was some kind of magic cure for this whole 'confession' thing.

"So I've been told."

"Then I won't say anymore!" Sasha allowed, returning to her previous cheery state. "Now, really, let's get out of here. At this rate I'll fall asleep while we're riding through main street."

"You got it, kiddo," Jason laughed.

/=\

It was almost eleven by the time they got back to the safehouse, and Sasha truly was about dead on her feet. Jason grabbed her helmet before it could crash onto the ground, having slipped from her numb fingers.

"Alright, bedtime," he said, gently helping her inside.

He was a lot less gentle when a moment later, a flash of red from the living room made his instincts take over. He shoved her behind him, pulling out a gun to aim at the intruder.

"What the fuck do you- oh. Kori," he nearly sighed in relief. He was _not_ up for a big fight right now. "What's up? You need something?"

The Tamaran princess merely smiled regally from where she was floating, crimson red hair flowing behind her in it's usual gravity-defying manner, "I simply wish to speak with you, Jason. It will not take long."

"Alright," he agreed, shrugging. He turned to Sasha, giving her a sheepish grin in apology. "You alright to go ahead, kid?"

She nodded, smothering another yawn in the process. "Y-yep, I'm fine."

Sasha wandered over to Kori, giving her a brief and clumsy hug, before stumbling off in the direction of their bedroom.

Jason watched her go fondly, before a light giggle drew his attention back to his alien teammate.

"You are happy with her," she observed, a wealth of affection in her eyes. "I'm glad. You deserve happiness."

Jason scratched the back of his head, Alfred's words from earlier echoing in his mind, "Yeah… I guess so. Thanks, Princess."

She floated over to him, caressing his cheek, "Think nothing of it, my friend. After all, she is not the only one you are happy with."

"Hm?" he blinked confusedly.

"You are happy with me," Kori explained, pulling herself closer to him until the sight of her hair rippling around them made him think of old, dead wings. "You are happy with your family. You are happy with Roy, with Lian. Even Jade, when she is here. But you are the happiest of all, when we are all _together_. You deserve to be happy, Jason. Don't let fear take away your chance at gaining it."

He stood stock-still, unsure of how to reply. She gently guided him to the couch, letting him lay down with his head in her lap. She stroked his hair, humming lowly.

The last thing he saw, eyes fuzzy with incoming slumber, was a pair of deep green eyes and a wreath of fire surrounding them.


	4. Penelopise

["Penelopise"- _to undo and redo to gain time; to stall; to create work as an excuse to deter suitors_ ]

* * *

The next morning, Jason woke up alone on the couch. He looked around, head still fuzzy with sleep.

"Kori?"

No answer. He shrugged, unbothered. Kori was random and often unpredictable, but it had never bothered him. That's just the way she was. Actually, now that he wasn't as wiped out as he'd been last night, a thought occurred to him.

"Wait, how did she know where we were staying?" he wondered aloud, scrunching up his nose in thought. He tried to make sure no one saw their comings and goings, not to mention he had so many safehouses in this city alone it would be almost impossible to track him down if he wanted to disappear. "Well, whatever."

He'd just have to put it down to another one of his teammate's many mysteries. As long as it didn't become a real security risk, he wouldn't ponder it too deeply.

Jason stood up, stretching as he did. He hissed violently when his back ached in pain. Gingerly, Jason rubbed at his shoulder blade, rolling his arm back carefully. Maybe he _should_ consider physical therapy…

No. He didn't have the time for something like that, and even if he found a way to _make_ time- who would take him? Few people knew how to deal with a case like his. Sure, there were people who got into accidents, that were attacked and their wings took the brunt of the damage, but none that had their wings completely _torn off_. That was almost impossible to survive unless you were a metahuman, or in Jason's case, a zombie. And he didn't even _technically_ survive it, so there.

The reason it was so dangerous had mostly to do with the way wings were connected to the body. There was a series of back muscles that controlled and directed wings, allowing a person to fly if their wingspan was large enough. But since Jason's were _completely ripped off of his body_ , it'd damn near severed his spine.

It'd been a miracle that he could even get up after that, trying _so hard_ to save his mother, to do _just one good thing_ in his life-

Jason jolted himself out of his thoughts, determined not to get into a mood. He was planning on having fun tonight- no family, no criminals, just him and the Outlaws. He was fine. Everything was fine.

Shaking himself out of his funk, he noticed belatedly that Kori had left a note on the table. He picked it up, eyebrow raising in curiosity.

 _Friend Jason,_

 _I hope you will be feeling better when you read this note! I know that you have not been sleeping well recently, so I thought to offer my assistance. I can not wait until the team reunion! See you soon!_

 _-Love, Koriand'r_

Jason huffed a little laugh. On the bottom of the note, she'd made a little doodle of herself giving a peace sign.

"Thanks, Kori," he whispered. He hadn't realized it before, but he really was feeling refreshed. No nightmares, or at least none that he could remember. He had good friends.

"Well, better go get the brat," he mumbled to himself, letting out a big yawn. His back barely even twitched at the movement, and he was pleased to note that most of the pain had gone away. Seems this would be a good day after all.

Jason made his way into the bedroom, passing his own bed to head for Sasha's. He chuckled upon seeing her position. She was sprawled out on her stomach, laying on top of the covers. Evidently, she'd been too tired to even get into the bed last night. Her mouth was wide open, and she was drooling all over her favorite red pillow.

Even if it was adorable, Jason was unmoved. _No mercy._

" _GOOD_ MORNING, GOTHAM!"

Sasha shrieked in surprise, tumbling off the bed in surprise from the double assault of Jason shouting and him opening the curtains of the window by her bed.

"Hello, sunshine," he said teasingly, ignoring her scathing glare. "What, are you not happy to see me?"

Sasha groaned, stuffing her pillow over her head.

"Jason," she whined, voice muffled. " _Why_. Why would you do this to me, haven't I suffered enough? Can't you just let me die in peace?"

"No can do," he said casually. "That goes against my contract. Now, come on kiddo. We got a while before we head over to Roy's, so I figured we could make some breakfast and then head out to talk to some of our buddies in the Narrows. I'm suspicious about that new drug that's been making the rounds, lately. Gotta ask some people about it."

"You think it's connected to all those seizure cases?" she questioned, now sufficiently awake. She was right to come to that assumption- Jason had begun to wonder the same thing last night, at the dinner.

"Not sure," Jason shrugged. "But it's worth checking out at any case. They both only showed up recently, so it's a decent guess."

"Okay, sure," she nodded, finally getting off the bed and fluffing her wings out a bit. "I'll change and meet you out there. Pancakes?"

"Sounds good to me," Jason smiled, closing the door behind him as he headed for the kitchen.

/=\

After the two of them had eaten, Jason kept his word, heading straight for one of the seedier parts of Gotham. Even in broad daylight, the place wasn't exactly inviting.

Jason didn't mind it though. He'd been born in Crime Alley, not the Narrows, but he'd lived here for a good portion of his life. He knew these streets, he knew the people. Batman could keep his darkened alleyways, _this_ was where the Red Hood thrived.

But he wasn't going as the Red Hood right now. No, he was just going as Jason Todd, a street rat looking to catch up with some old pals.

A man called out to him in Spanish, yelling; "Hey, mocoso! ¿Buscando una nueva puta ya? ¿Qué pasa, la perra pelirroja no hacerlo para usted?"

Jason replied coolly, smirking at the indignant expression he received. He never would've said that around Alfred, for sure. Well, if the guy didn't want to get burned, he shouldn't have been insulting someone way out of his league. He must have been new. Even if not everyone knew Jason Todd, they knew the Red Hood. And no one got away with what that guy was implying, not when he was in charge.

Sasha shook her head at him, though her eyes were amused. She knew a decent amount of Spanish (mainly curses, to be honest) due to all the time she spent with him, but she wasn't fluent.

"Did you say something about a donkey, or a bull? I couldn't tell- you were talking way too fast," she pouted, struggling to bring herself up to speed.

"Eh, don't worry about it," Jason shrugged it off, bringing up a hand to ruffle her hair. "We're almost there, anyways. Isaac's place is right around the corner."

They turned, going towards what looked like an abandoned warehouse. Gotham seemed to have a surplus of those, which was good for vigilantes who needed a place to crash, but also good for criminals who were trying to be sneaky about their illegal activities. Isaac and the gang of miscreants he led fell into the second category.

The two entered the warehouse, casually strolling in through the front door.

"Oi, Isaac!" Jason shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth to make the sound go farther. "I know you're in here you pansy-ass bastard! Come on out, I need to speak with you!"

" _Well_ ," a new voice said, sniffing disdainfully. "When you ask so _politely_ , how could I say no?"

Dropping down from the catwalk above them, a short, thin man approached the two vigilantes. He walked like a predator on the prowl, and when he stopped in front of them, huffing slightly in irritation, Jason caught a glimpse of cold metal underneath his jacket.

"What do you want, Todd?" Isaac asked, arms crossed over his head. "I already told you, we're not dealing to kids. Hell, we barely get to deal at all with the _Red Hood_ always coming around to screw with us."

"Good," Jason said bluntly, not even bothering to censor himself. "And I really hope that's true, because there's something new on the market that I don't like."

Isaac narrowed his eyes, though he seemed more thoughtful than angry, "I'm not lying. We've been cutting down a lot- it ain't profitable anymore with all of those capes running around. But none of my crew have told me about a new drug. Mathias is usually right on top of that stuff."

"It's been kept on the down-low," he replied grimly. "Even Matty couldn't have gotten a chance to find out yet. I only know because Red Hood and Scarlet intercepted a shipment last week."

"Right," Isaac nodded, politely pretending that they were both unaware that he knew their secret identities. "What do you wanna know, then? I can't give you anything on whatever this is."

"The seizures," Jason prompted. "One of your boys, Cal, didn't he have one a few weeks ago? Got any idea why?"

Isaac bristled, " _No_ , but it wasn't drugs! Cal's never been into that shit, you know that."

"We know," Sasha said placatingly, holding her arms up in surrender. "But we need to cover all of our bases. Be sure, you know?"

Isaac stared at them for a few moments, before sighing, "Yeah, I got you. Cal said that he used to have attacks as a kid, but he thought that he outgrew them. Look… I'll let you know if I find something. Until then, kindly _get the hell out_."

"Alright," Jason took the opportunity to retreat, not wanting to anger his reluctant ally any longer. "You have my number, let me know."

Isaac scoffed, going back into the depths of his gang's base, "Sure thing, _Red_."

/=\

Jason took off his helmet, staring at the cheery blue paint that decorated Roy's front door. He hadn't gotten too much out of his reconnaissance, but Isaac would tell him if something came up. The man hated Red Hood, but he hated people who messed with his gang even more.

So now, Jason was officially off-duty. Time to just relax, and have some fun with his pals.

 _Yeah, right._

It'd only taken him twenty minutes into the ride to feel his anxiety creep up on him. All those lectures everyone had been giving him- were they worth anything? Should he actually try and discuss his… _emotions_ , and with Roy of all people?

But more than that, he was scared that Roy already knew. The archer understood him better than anyone else- who's to say he hadn't already picked up on it and was simply too nice to say anything?

Gah, he was gonna give himself another migraine with all this worrying. Not to mention, he didn't really have the time to be doing it.

Sasha had already gone up to the front door, knocking and calling out, "Hey, guys! Guess who's here?"

" _SASHA_!" came the high-pitched squeal, Lian throwing the door open to leap into the teen's arms. "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! We're gonna hang out and make cookies and play dress-up and watch a movie and-"

"Woah!" Sasha laughed, easily hoisting the little girl up onto her shoulders. "Take a second to _breathe_ , Speedy! But it sure sounds like we've got a full night ahead of us, huh?"

"Yeah!" Lian cheered. Her little golden wings, a near copy of her father's, fluttered in excitement. They were still all fluff, no where near capable of flight, but he could already see the beauty coming in. Unlike Roy, who had wings that seemed to be made of solid gold, her's darkened the further down they got, looking like a sunset come to life.

Jason snickered, coming forward and making himself known, "What, no hug for me?"

Lian gasped, immediately squirming to be let down so that she could rectify this horrid mistake. She raced over to him, and Jason swooped Lian up into a twirl, listening to her giggles with such much love it felt like his heart could burst.

"Uncle Jay!" she said happily, linking her arms around his neck. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too," Jason replied, snuggling close to her.

Coming through the doorway, Roy let out a soft chuckle, "Hey, she wasn't the only one. Any chance I could get a hug, Jaybird?"

"Group hug!" Lian demanded, making grabby hands at her father and Sasha. They complied, coming forward for a nice family moment.

Unfortunately, that made Jason suddenly remember just how much he wanted to be a _part_ of this family. And how gay he was for Roy.

"Okay, that's enough," he said, gently separating and ignoring Lian's whine. "We should get going soon, right? Or are we waiting for Kori?"

"Nah, she's gonna be waiting for us at the place," Roy said, and he still hadn't taken his eyes off of Jason's face. It was very distracting.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Jason forced himself to ask, lest he do something completely idiotic in front of Sasha and Lian, like making out with his teammate.

"It's a secret!" Roy sung teasingly, pinching Jason's cheek when he automatically scowled. "Don't worry, you'll like it."

"Right," Jason said numbly, trying not to react to Roy touching him. "Uh, let's go then."

"Sure!" Roy said cheerfully. He knelt down, speaking to Lian eye-to-eye. "Alright, you be nice to Sasha, okay? And remember, if someone tries to break in-"

"Go for the crotch!" Lian recited. Roy beamed proudly.

" _That's_ my girl!" he stood up, turning to look at Jason. "Ready?"

"Always," Jason said, and then immediately wanted to smack himself for it. Luckily, Roy didn't see anything out of the ordinary in it.

"Cool! And, we're off!"

/=\

Behind them, Lian and Sasha watched the two males leave.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Sasha said, crouching down so she could speak clearly to her young companion. "Have an awesome party and completely wreck the place?"

" _Sasha_ ," Lian scolded, though the effect was somewhat diminished by how much she was giggling.

"Alright, I get it. No wild party times for us. You said something about a movie, right?"

"Yeah! We should watch the new _Young Titans_ movie!"

"Sure, that works for me!"


	5. Cardialgia

["Cardialgia"- _pain near or in the heart; suffering from or exhibiting overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment, particularly due to romantic love_ "]

* * *

Sasha jolted out of her light slumber when she heard the door opening. She'd been dozing off on the couch, the dull light from the television illuminating the messy living room. It wasn't that bad, really. There was a couple of snack bowls on the table surrounded by a thin layer of crumbs, and some blankets strewn around, but other than that it was perfectly acceptable. She'd tidy it up a bit before she left.

Sitting up slowly, she arched her back in an attempt to relieve the ache in her wings. They were always aching, but at least with some stretching the heavy pain cooled down somewhat.

"You awake?" a voice whispered, taking care not to disturb the other member of the household.

Sasha felt a bit of anxiety flare up, her wings attempting to spread out in a show of intimidation. She settled back down as soon as her eyes adjusted to the low light and she could see the comforting familiarity of Jason's leather jacket. She was about to welcome him back when she noticed the panicked expression on his face.

"Jay?" she asked confusedly. "Did something happen?"

Kori had promised that she wouldn't let Jason do anything too embarrassing...

"Nope, no, everything's fine," he said, giving her a strained smile. "Now, come on, time to go. Got things to do, criminals to catch."

"Wait, what?" she scrambled off the couch, bewilderment rising at the abrupt departure. "Where's Roy?"

"He's right behind me," Jason said calmly. "You don't have to worry."

She might have even believed him, if he didn't seem just a little bit _too_ calm. Jason coming back early by himself and trying to rush her out the door as soon as he got there, _right_ after he had a serious conversation with her about confessing to Roy? Yeah, that's definitely not a coincidence.

"What happened?"

Jason turned to head to the door, making sure to grab her helmet as he did so. "Nothing. I'm just worried about that drug case. I remembered something from my days with the League that I think may have a connection."

"Jason," she said seriously, grabbing his arm in order to stall him from leaving. She didn't want to seem like she was cornering him- that never ended well, for _anyone_ , but this was important. "Where's Roy?"

"I already _said_ , didn't I?" Jason snapped, before visibly regaining his cool. "He'll be by in a moment, don't worry."

"We should wait for him," Sasha said firmly.

"We need to go!" he said, his fists clenching in frustration. She fought to keep her expression under control- she knew Jason would _never_ hurt her.

"What about Lian?" Sasha put her hands on her hips, not about to give up without a fight. She couldn't, not with this.

He paused, momentary shock overtaking his expression. Clearly, he'd forgotten Lian was even _there._ Sasha bit her lip, trying not to show her worry. This sort of thing had been happening more and more recently.

It had started out innocuously enough. A missed meal here and there, when he'd been focusing on an investigation or doing a weapons check. Staying up late on patrols, then waking early to leave once more. Accumulations of small injuries, bruises and scrapes. Those things could all be excused with their lifestyle- vigilantism didn't lend itself well to a normal, healthy schedule.

Sasha hadn't thought anything of it, so she'd wanted to smack herself when the realization came.

It wasn't until the day she'd come back from a training session with Harper that it became obvious. She'd been aching, nursing a bruised cheek and her stomach growling. Harper hit _hard_ , but Sasha liked her. She didn't take bullshit from anyone- it was hard not to respect that kind of competence.

Sasha had opened the door with a groan, letting her wings drop down to drag along the ground. She'd called out, expecting Jason to be in the other room making some food, but there'd been no answer.

Alarm bells going off in her head, she'd immediately raced for the bedroom, throwing open the door. To her great relief, Jason had been inside, waking groggily at her sudden entrance.

She'd been so happy to see him that she hadn't questioned it at the time, but that was the real warning sign. When Sasha interrogated him later, he admitted that he hadn't gotten out of bed _all day_. He'd been drifting in and out of sleep the entire time.

That had _terrified_ her. She didn't let him know, of course, because that would only make him feel more guilty, but how could she not be scared? They hadn't had patrol the day before- Jason had literally slept for an _entire day_.

Something was wrong. He'd been slipping. He complained of headaches all the time, and could go for days without eating anything substantial. Jason even seemed to be bruising easier, like his body was showing the first signs of fragility. Sometimes he would go quiet, staring off into space. Not like he was thinking intently, but like he wasn't thinking at all.

She didn't know what to do. She hated to even think it, but sometimes that cruel voice in the back of her mind said that this sort of thing was to be expected- after all, Jason didn't have any wings. This was exactly the sort of thing that would happen to someone who'd lost their soul, right?

But she _refused_ to accept that.

Sasha had hoped... Well, she wasn't sure exactly what she was hoping for. That if he confessed to Roy, his problems would magically fix themselves? That Kori and Roy would be able to talk him into admitting what was wrong, helping him where she couldn't?

Whatever it was she'd wished for, it clearly hadn't happened. Jason looked even more rattled than he had when they'd first left.

"I... yeah," he said tiredly, running his hand through his hair. "You're right, we can't leave Lian alone. Let's wait for Roy."

"Alright," she accepted gracefully, knowing how hard this would be for him. She reached out to gently squeeze his hand. He linked their fingers together, sending her a grateful glance.

The two of them then sat by the kitchen table, just waiting.

/=\

Jason anxiously tapped his foot on the linoleum tiles, trying not to think about what a colossal _moron_ he was.

God, what had he been _thinking_? He prided himself on his control, his ability to moderate himself. He wasn't impulsive- being impulsive got you killed. He'd learned that the hard way.

So, _why_?

"Hey," Sasha whispered to him, leaning against him in comfort. "Don't worry. We'll just wait for him to get home, then we'll split. Okay? I promise I won't make you talk about it."

All he could manage was a grunt in reply, which couldn't even begin to express the amount of gratitude he was feeling. Sasha was too good for him.

They sat in tense silence with Jason getting increasingly frantic, until they heard the soft thump of two people landing on the porch.

 _Oh, right_ , Jason recalled guiltily, he'd been the one to take Roy to the bar on his motorcycle. Kori must have had to fly him home.

 _Fuck_. No matter what he did, things _always_ ended up like this.

He was so sick of it.

"They're here," Jason stood, shaking himself out of such dreary thoughts. "Let's go make sure they're okay, then get out of here."

"Works for me," Sasha agreed, standing up and suppressing a yawn. Guilt welled up at the sight- here he was, dragging her into his problems again.

He needed to get away. Take some time to work himself out.

"Jaybird, just wait a second-"

"I can't. Not now," Jason said wearily, avoiding Roy's frustrated gaze. He and Sasha hurried out, brushing past his former teammates. Roy didn't try and stop him again, though he was clearly restraining himself from reaching out. Kori did nothing but stare at him evenly.

Jason already knew what she thought, but he couldn't deal with it. Not right now.

/=\

After taking Sasha straight to the safe house and putting her to bed, Jason headed back out into the night.

He'd made a mistake. A _huge_ mistake.

When they'd gone out earlier, Roy had directed him to a new club that'd opened up. Which Jason had thought a little strange at the time, but didn't question. Roy didn't drink, after all. But he quickly realized it had been a chance to spend some time out of the house, and a perfect way to let him and Kori relax without going somewhere they could be recognized.

Anonymity was a blessing, especially for high-profile heroes like Roy and Kori, who had both done work with other teams and had the added pleasure of being very distinctive. It was hard to hide hair like Kori's, and Roy only wore an eye mask. It's no wonder they were so easy to connect.

Granted, the eye mask had yet to betray Dick's identity, or Wally's, or almost any other hero who wore them, so maybe there was a hidden advantage to them that he wasn't seeing.

But none of that mattered. At the end of the night, right when everyone was getting comfortable and enjoying themselves, Jason messed up.

He actually _kissed_ Roy.

And it- it wasn't like in the movies. The world didn't melt away around them, it didn't feel like they were the only two people on the planet. The dull roar of people talking and music pulsing was still very much a thing, and Jason was sweaty and anxious and really wishing he wasn't so idiotic as to think the leather jacket was a good idea.

Then Roy had turned towards him, shouting something he could barely make out over the music, and Jason found his eyes drawn to his lips, just as they had been the entire night. When he looked back up, Roy was staring at him intently, his expression searching for something. He leaned forward, and Jason-

Jason did something stupid.

The _kiss_. And sure, it was only on the cheek, a clumsy, tipsy press of lips, but there had been no mistaking his intent.

So, wrought with horror at the realization of what had just happened (which managed to sober him up _real_ quick), Jason did what he had always done when faced with a problem he had been trying to ignore.

He ran the fuck away. Got the hell out of dodge. Hit the road, backed up, beat a strategic retreat.

Jason settled down next to one of Gotham's many gargoyles, pulling his helmet off. He smothered his face in his hands, groaning at his own stupidity. God, if he could make that memory go away he _would_ , but it wouldn't stop the event from happening.

He kneaded at his forehead, trying to concentrate. The night hadn't been a total embarrassment- he wasn't lying when he told Sasha that he remembered something that could help with their new drug case.

He'd worked with a couple of poison experts when he'd still been the League of Assassins, and something about this rung a bell. He'd have to check up with some old contacts later. For now, he just had to cool his head.

"Red Hood," a soft voice spoke from the darkness, Cassandra detaching from the shadows to crouch by his perch.

"Black Bat," he acknowledged with a grunt, trying to make it seem like he'd already known she was there, when in reality she was an even better sneak than Alfred. "What brings you out to this side of hell?"

She cocked her head, the eyeless face mask making the action seem all the more eerie. "I think I should be asking you. What happened?"

Jason thought about lying, or even just telling her to go away, but the faint lilt of concern lining her voice made him break. It could sometimes be rather astonishing what a person was willing to say, as long as someone else was willing to listen.

"I kissed Roy," he said wretchedly. "I kissed him, and I've ruined everything. We were at a club, and I just- I don't know. It happened before I could stop myself. God, Roy must think I'm a total _jackass_ now."

"Did you stay?"

He thought the answer to that was fairly obvious, but still found himself reluctant to answer. "No..."

"Then you can't know what he was thinking," she reasonably pointed out. Jason huffed in disgruntlement. Trust Cassandra to be the one to bring _logic_ into this.

"I can _guess_ ," he mumbled, fighting the urge to sink back into misery.

"Exactly," she said firmly. "That's a guess. You won't know for sure unless you actually ask."

Cassandra paused for a moment, looking out at the city's horizon, watching the sun slowly rise over the edge of the skyline.

"I didn't think I was worthy of love," she confessed quietly, and Jason held back a growl at that thought. Cassandra was _amazing_. There were very few people in the world he respected more than her. "I was made to kill, so I believed that was all I could do. But I moved past it. I fought against my nature and proved that I could be a hero. And then, Steph..."

Jason softened, seeing the way Cassandra trailed off when speaking of her girlfriend. He was envious of them, sometimes. They were so clearly in love, it was hard for him to bear witness to. But Cassandra and Stephanie both deserved love, and they deserved each other. He could hardly find fault in such clear affection.

"I think you have a chance," Cassandra regained herself, turning to regard him once more, "because when Arsenal looks at you, it's the same way she looked at me. Like I was something wonderful that she'd never encountered before. Like she wanted to fight _for_ me and _beside_ me, like _love_. There won't be many in our lives who will look at people like us that way. Cherish it while you can."

With that, she stood and vanished into the early morning- that was clearly her limit of conversation for the day. In the end, it left Jason with a curious sense of peace, and a very reluctant realization.


	6. Alation

["Alation"- _the state of being winged_ ]

* * *

When Sasha woke up in the morning, (though it was closer to afternoon at that point) Jason still wasn't home. She told herself that she wasn't worried. Jason had clearly been upset last night- it wouldn't be surprising if he went out to clear his head. She continued to tell herself that, as minutes turned into hours and Jason had yet to come back.

Finally, panic tearing at the edges of her mind and wings fluttering as much as they were able, Sasha got to work.

She began to pack up all of their things, stuffing the few meager possessions they kept with them into a bag. Sasha knew that with Jason in a mood like this, he would want to move to another safe house as soon as he got back. He'd be too twitchy to stay here.

She figured that she might as well speed up the process. She had nothing else to do.

When she was determinedly scrubbing at the kitchen counter, she heard the sound of someone at the door. Sasha immediately dropped the sponge, practically tripping in her haste.

"Jason!" she called out excitedly, too relieved to even feel annoyed at how long he'd been gone. "Are you alright- _Oh_."

That wasn't Jason.

Instead, Roy Harper stood there, giving her a sheepish little wave.

"Going by that greeting, I'm guessing Jaybird isn't here?"

"No," Sasha answered shortly, trying to reign in her irritation. It wasn't _his_ fault- well, as far as she knew. "Can I help you with something?"

"Is, I mean…" he looked conflicted, and had clearly lost the bravado that let him break into Jason's safe house in the first place. Despite that, however, he proved that he deserved the high esteem Jason held him in, by merely taking a deep breath before continuing. "When did you see him last? Did he seem okay?"

She simply stared at him in silence for a long moment, that buried, petty part of her wanting to make him squirm, make him _suffer_ for how much Jason loved him, but she pulled all that back in with only a little difficulty.

"We should sit down," she said tersely, leaving no room for arguments. To his credit, Roy didn't bother trying, just following her back into the kitchen and waiting patiently.

"So?" Sasha prompted, raising an eyebrow imperiously. "Are you going to tell me what happened last night? Because I'm not answering any questions until you do."

"Fair enough," he grimaced, though with a bit of self-deprecating humor. That seemed to be his default way of expression, and Sasha really wished she could hate him for it. That she could hate him for _anything_ , except how he had captured Jason's heart.

Sasha was selfish. She didn't mean that in a negative way, or a positive one. It was merely a fact, and one that she'd always been quite happy to live with. Jason was _her's_ , the one who had saved her, let her walk her own path with as much guidance and support as she could ever need, and he understood what vengeance could mean, what it was like to be regarded as a cripple.

She would have stayed with him for that alone, but Jason also _loved_ her, and that was why she would never abandon him. She would protect him now that she was strong enough, and that included protecting him from Roy Harper if she had to.

 _Maybe_ Sasha had wanted Jason to own up to his feelings, to finally confess to the man who was in possession of his love and affection, but she also didn't want to let him _go_.

For now, she would reserve judgement.

"We were at that new club," he began slowly, seeming to gather his thoughts. "Thought it would be a nice chance to just let go, y'know? I checked the place out beforehand too- nothing shady. Pretty well-reputed, decent lighting, pretty much the safest it was gonna get. And we were fine, most of the night. Kori and Jay were drinking, but not enough for it to really affect them. Kori burns through the stuff like it's water, and Jay never has enough to get more than tipsy. The man's too paranoid. Everything was fine, we were having a great time, and then-"

He stopped, apparently unsure of how to continue, and Sasha had to bite her lip in order to stop herself from urging him on.

"Well, Jason kissed me," Roy said, shrugging like it was no big deal. But there was something in his eyes that Sasha could recognize from a mile away, that mix of wonder and desperate hope that only the truly infatuated could showcase. "Only on the cheek, but still! Right after though, he completely freaked. Made a run for it, ended up back at my place. I think you know better of what happened next than I do."

Sasha hummed, wondering what she should say in reply. Roy must have sensed her indecision, because he was quick to reassure.

"Don't worry, I'm not judging or anything. Clearly, he was more drunk than I thought and was trying to be, I don't know, friendly? But I know how much he values his control and everything, so he must have been really embarrassed. I just came here today to make sure he knows that I'm not angry or anything…"

Immediately, the simmering rage and jealousy that she had tried for so long to keep hidden erupted. She stood abruptly, the metal stool screeching as it slid along the tile.

"Don't you _dare_ ," she hissed. "I know you're not nearly as dumb as you like to portray yourself as. You _have_ to know how Jason feels. He's not exactly inconspicuous about it! So if you're trying to brush it off, or- _or_ -"

"No!" Roy raised his hands in surrender, but his expression remained earnest. "Honestly, I just wasn't sure if you knew. I didn't want to out him if you didn't, that's all."

"So you _did_ know," Sasha confirmed, slowly sitting back down. She still wasn't quite satisfied with that. There had better be a _damn_ good explanation.

"Well… yeah," he shrugged, and it was interesting to note that he didn't seem to be embarrassed by the knowledge at all. "He tried really hard to cover it up though, so I didn't want to confront him about it. That would just make it seem like I was attacking him, or accusing him of something. He'd only pull away harder if I tried that. I was content to let it lie until he was ready, especially with how stressed he's been lately. But then…"

"Yeah…" Sasha said wearily. All of her anger seemed to just drain out of her. This wasn't about her problems, or her dumb emotions. This was about Jason. And she would do just about anything for him. "Alright, so what do you plan to do about it?"

/=\

Truthfully? Roy had absolutely no idea. It was one thing to suspect that your best friend had a crush on you, and completely different one to have confirmation.

He knew his feelings, and he had for a long time. Everyone knew how he acted when he was in a relationship- clingy, overly-affectionate, and (if Jade was to be believed) all around annoying.

He'd been trying so hard not to do that to Jason. He didn't want to ruin what they had, this friendship that meant so much to him. And yeah, maybe that sounded cliché. Both of them too afraid to say anything, even though they felt the same. It was that kind of daytime tv worthy shit that he made fun of Jason's telenovelas for. But this wasn't the same.

Roy _knew_ , without a single doubt, that Jason wasn't ready. He'd been trying to shove down his feelings for so long that even if he did recently come to terms with them, he might not have been ready to _tell_ Roy.

And Roy was fine with that! He might not be much of a patient person in his day-to-day life, but relationships were so much more than that. More important.

And not even bringing up the whole _feelings_ thing... Jason wasn't okay. He probably hadn't been from the moment he'd crawled out of his own grave, but for a while it had at least seemed like he was coping. The Outlaws had been good for him, and Roy had been so _proud_ that he was able to help, even if it was just in some small way. But nothing lasts forever, and the Outlaws couldn't either. They both had new responsibilities now, him with Lian and Jason with Sasha. Kori was still trying to find where she fit in this world, taking some time for herself after her split with Grayson.

So they had separated, and the Outlaws had pulled back to watch over their own territories. But that hadn't really changed too much of their routine. They all hung out together at least once a week, and Jason and Sasha had stayed over at the house so much that he'd been worried his couch would have a permanent indent of Jason's ass on it.

And then it had all just... stopped. Jason slowly cut down on his visits, and he started taking longer and longer to get back to any of them if they tried to contact him. Roy hadn't even really noticed at first, just because of how _reasonable_ it seemed. Jason wasn't pulling away from them- Roy knew what that looked like. He always had a reasonable excuse on why he couldn't come over, or he just seemed so _exhausted_ that Roy would've felt guilty even asking.

Before he knew it, he only saw Jason on their designated 'team bonding' nights, and even then the Gotham vigilante usually managed to wriggle his way out of it.

The only person he seemed to spend time with anymore was Sasha. And speaking of his fellow ginger...

Roy shook himself out of his thoughts, and saw her still waiting patiently for an answer. He could see what Jason liked about her. Even though he was pretty sure that Sasha hated him, she still gave him a fair chance to explain. So, he decided to go with honesty. She deserved that, at the very least.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," he shrugged, at a loss of what else to say. "Jason is my best friend. I don't want to make things harder for him."

"He's already beating himself up over it," Sasha said dryly. "Trust me, anything you said would not be able to make his self-loathing _any_ worse."

Roy winced. Painful, but true.

"Well, what do _you_ want?" she asked, changing tracks. "It's pretty obvious that you like him back. Do you wanna date him, or what?"

"I just..." Roy wavered helplessly. "I want to make him _happy_. I care about him, and I'd love to date him. But he's not in the greatest shape right now, so I don't wanna add more stress onto that."

Instead of snapping defensively, as he half expected, Sasha only gave a weary sigh. She ran a hand through her bright red hair, and he noticed her wings drooping just a bit.

"I know," she said miserably. "But I don't know how to help. I haven't gone through what he has, hell- _no one_ has. I don't know what it's like to wake up and have such an intrical part of you gone. To know that it was _torn off_ , ripped away from you by the same monster who utterly destroyed your life."

"He was proud of his wings," Roy remembered suddenly, recalling the short boy trailing behind Dick at one of the Teen Titans training sessions. Jason had gone on a couple of missions with them, but Roy hadn't really been interacting much with the Titans at that point. Too many of his own problems to avoid. But he could vaguely recollect a mischievous grin, a glint of crimson red. Even though he couldn't think of anything else about those days too clearly, he _knew_ Jason's wings had been beautiful. That was the whole problem, wasn't it?

"...He stares at mine, sometimes," Sasha confessed quietly, as if betraying some secret trust. "I think he might be jealous. That at least I still have my wings, even if I can't really use them."

 _Oh, Jason_ , Roy thought sadly, scrubbing his face with his hands. When he looked up, Sasha still seemed as despondent as before, tracing patterns into the rough tabletop. He took a chance, and reached across the table to place his hand over hers.

"Hey," he said when she looked up, taking the gentle tone of voice he used when Lian had a nightmare, "I just want you to know... You really saved him. Jason. We helped him get his life back on track, sure, but you were the one who made him _want_ to. Whatever is happening with him now... It's no one's fault. It didn't happen because you weren't strong enough to help him, or whatever else you're thinking."

"Why you gotta call me out like this," she sniffled, before giving him the first true smile all day.

Roy laughed, but didn't allow it to distract him. "I mean it. Jason is unhappy. From what Dick told me, he's been that way since he was a little kid. But all of us here, all of us _loving_ him? That's what gives him the strength to keep going. That's what allows him the luxury of emotion."

Sasha was quiet for a while, staring down at their hands overlapping each other. Her hand looked small and pale under his darker, more calloused one. He was reminded of Lian, for just a moment.

"Thanks," she said finally, looking him right in the eye. "I think I'm okay with you, Roy. If you need to head home, I'll make Jason call you as soon as he gets back."

He wanted to tell her it wasn't necessary, that he could always come back another time, but he was too relieved. He didn't want to keep putting this off. Jason was too important to him for that.

"Thank _you_ , Sasha."


	7. Jela

["Jela"- _when a person feels their sense of joy grow; the increase of happiness_ ]

* * *

Jason fidgeted slightly, trying not to look suspicious. As the day went on, it became much harder to wander around as the Red Hood, so now he was just skulking in darkened alleyways and praying no one paid too much attention to the bloodstains on his pants.

He should have gone back to the safehouse hours ago, but the longer he stayed away, the more guilty he became. And the worse he _felt_ , the more he avoided going back.

Instead, he passed the time by going deeper into this new drug case. He wanted to avoid asking the League for info, if he could help it, so he'd been forced to look down some other avenues. Some of his old contacts from his days of controlling Black Mask's criminal empire still owed him some favors, and now was as good a time as any to cash those in.

Chiara hadn't known anything, and Celeste hadn't known anything _new_. He didn't bother asking Lorenzo, since he'd been trying to get out of that life and likely wouldn't have any useful information. Finally, he went for a last resort.

Jason went and visited Cal in the hospital. Now, he had to be sneaky about this, because if Isaac caught onto what he was doing, there could be a big potential blowout. And he didn't have time for that right now- he had _enough_ problems to deal with.

But it had _definitely_ been worth it. Cal had been understandably reluctant to talk about the situation surrounding his seizure, as he hadn't exactly been doing something _legal_ when it happened, but Jason liked to think he was very persuasive. The man had cracked after only a few minutes, and confessed that he remembered the strange edge to the pastry he'd bought that afternoon. He had thought it was just a bad piece of pie, and had been willing to shrug it off, when he'd fallen victim to a series of harsh and unavoidable seizures.

That was just the kind of lead Jason needed. He _politely_ asked where Cal had gotten the food, and prepared to begin investigating.

He'd been all set and ready to charge on the small bakery, guns blazing, when he noticed the sun starting to go down.

Alright, that was enough. He'd been gone for the entire day- he _had_ to go back.

/=\

Jason hovered outside the entrance to the safe house, feeling like complete trash. It was already dark out, and even though all the windows were thoroughly covered so as to not let any light escape, he instinctively knew that Sasha was still awake. She would be waiting for him, just like she always was.

It felt nice, sometimes, to know he had someone who wouldn't leave him behind. Who wouldn't outgrow him, wouldn't abandon him once something (or _someone_ ) better came along. The rest of the time, it felt _horrible_. Because Sasha deserved so much better than him, and it hurt to admit that she would probably leave him too one day, even if it was only in the very recesses of his mind that he was able to draw that conclusion.

He thought about it sometimes, on the days when he was really hating himself. Of course, if he kept on with the way he was acting right now, she would have a totally legitimate reason to get the fuck outta this hell city he called a home.

 _You're not a fucking kid anymore,_ he scolded himself, resolutely opening the front door before he could psych himself out of it. _So you need to get off your ass and do your job. And right now, your job is to apologize to Sasha for acting like such a fucking jackass last night, and freaking out over something that pretty much everyone knew was a long time coming.  
_  
He shrugged off his jacket and dumped it on the floor, being a little more careful with his helmet as he placed it off to the side.

"Sasha?" he called out. "Are you there? Look, I really need to apologize to you-"

He was cut off by the redhead herself, as she raced into the room and threw herself at him to catch him in a hug that was near strangling in it's intensity.

" _Jason!_ " she exclaimed, voice thick with emotion. "God, don't apologize! I don't even care how long you were gone, just that you came _back_!"

Guilt clawed at his chest and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her in return, carefully making sure not to tug on her wings. He stayed in her embrace for a moment, but then pushed her away.

"That's not fair, Sasha," he said seriously. She pulled back, confused. He hastened to explain himself, stumbling over the words. "I mean- it's not fair to _you_. I _do_ need to apologize, because I acted really shitty today. I abandoned you, and even though it wasn't meant to be hurtful, it doesn't excuse my actions. I... it's- I can't really explain it right. But I want to be there for you, and I can't do that if I'm not taking responsibility for my actions."

Jason paused, frustratedly running a hand through his hair. He just couldn't think of the right words- it seemed like he never could. He could spew out witty banter like no one else, but as soon as it came to being serious about his _emotions_ or his _problems_ , all his fluency seemed to melt away. But he couldn't afford to act like that, not here.

"You're important to me," he murmured, gently clutching her shoulders. Jason looked Sasha right in the eye, trying to showcase his sincerity. "I want to do _better_ for you- I want to _be_ better. So I need you to tell me if I mess up. _Please_."

Sasha bit her lip, looking up at him in a mix of confusion and something else he couldn't quite place.

"Jason," she said seriously, "you're important to me too. So I'm going to be honest with you. I _love_ you, more than anything else I've ever known. And I know that you're trying, so I don't get mad when you do things like this. I'm just..."

"Worried," Jason finished, weariness pulling him down. "I get it. Believe me, I do."

That sort of thing had long been a part of his nature, after all. He had to love deeply, with everything he had or nothing at all. Living in Gotham tended to instill that type of mentality. You held onto everything you had with an iron grip, and woe comes to anyone who tried to take it away from you.

He recognized that thought process. That's what made it so sad.

"However," Sasha continued, drawing back his attention. "I will say this. When you're doing something shitty, I'll try not to hesitate in telling you. And as long as you stay aware of your own faults in that area, I think we'll be okay. Is that a deal?"

"Deal," Jason agreed. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to do for now.

/=\

"You _promised_ ," Sasha admonished, hands on her hips. Jason winced.

"I know, I know," he said, valiantly resisting a groan. "And I _am_ gonna do it. Just... not right _now_."

She gave him the exact face that statement deserved, and he rolled his eyes before giving in with a sigh.

"Right... I'll call Roy."

Sasha beamed proudly and scampered off, calling, "Okay, I'll let you have some privacy! Want me to pack away your gear for you?"

"That'd be awesome, thanks!" he shouted back, absentmindedly fiddling with his phone. "We're gonna move safe houses tomorrow morning, so make sure you have everything you need!"

"No problem!"

With that, he let the silence wash over him, staring at the contact name with trepidation. His mind began to wander, thinking up excuses to not go through with it, so Jason just hit the call button before his cowardice could catch up.

"...Hello? Jason?"

This was a terrible idea.

"Hey, Roy. I just- I mean, I wanted to tell you- oh, _shit_ ," he hissed violently, barely resisting the urge to groan. It seemed like no matter what he tried to say, it came out all jumbled up.

"It's okay, Jaybird. You don't have to say anything if you're not ready," Roy assured him, and even though most of the time Jason appreciated it, right now he really wished that Roy wasn't such a good person.

Because if he didn't say it now, he never would. So _do it_ , you moron.

"I love you," Jason confessed, and everything seemed to fall into place. He said it calmly, knowing exactly what he was doing, and it seemed as if all his nerves just vanished. "In the gay way, I mean."

Roy made a sound that was vaguely like choking, and then he laughed brightly. "That's great! _More_ than great, actually, since I love you too."

His breath caught in his thought. Jason had been okay with it, content with the knowledge he would at least get this off his chest, but...

"Really?" he breathed, disbelief warring with excitement inside his brain.

"Really. In a completely gay way. Like, _yes_ homo."

"Come over," Jason demanded. He had to confirm the truth for himself.

"Sure. To be honest... I've been loitering around the area for a while. Be there in five."

Jason hit the 'end call' button, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Sasha!" he yelled out so she could hear him in the back room. "I'm gonna go meet Roy for a little bit, okay? I'll be back before twelve!"

"Okay!" he heard the muffled reply, practically tasting the smug grin on her face. Yeah, she was right, _ha ha_. He'd let her have this moment. "Be careful! Use protection!"

" _Sasha!_ " he exclaimed, face heating up. It was that moment, of course, that he heard someone knock on the door.

/=\

Jason met Roy, outside, feeling like his whole body was shaking. The two of them silently agreed to go up onto the roof, the typical hangout of all vigilantes. They sat in silence for a moment, before they both tried to talk at once.

"Did you really mean-"

"Is it okay if I-"

Jason and Roy both paused, blinking in confusion, before laughing quietly.

"Go ahead," Roy prompted. Jason didn't feel quite so frazzled now- it was hard to remember why he had been in the first place, now that he was _here_ , with his best friend and staring off into the distance of the Gotham night sky.

"Did you mean it?" he asked, even though he didn't really need the answer anymore.

"Yes," Roy said simply, smiling at him he same way he always had, pure and good and _bright_. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," Jason echoed, and this time it didn't feel like the worst mistake of his life. This time he was wrapping an arm around Roy, and their lips touched gently, so gently, like both of them was afraid that the other might break. Then it became firm, clear emotion pouring into it from both ends.

 _I love you_ , Jason's said. _I love you, and that scared me. Nothing I've loved has ever stayed, but if it's you, it's okay. I'll take that chance, as long as it's you.  
_  
 _Thank you_ , said Roy's. _You have given me something precious with this, thank you, I love you. I loved you so much that I was willing to wait forever if you needed it. Thank you, thank you.  
_  
The whole thing seemed too perfect, too wonderful to comprehend. Which, of course, was why the moment had to be ruined by the buzzing of his cell phone on the roof tile beside them.

Jason pulled back with a groan, cursing whoever had decided to text him, now of all times. He blindly groped for his phone, tucking his head into the crook of Roy's neck. He felt the rumble in the archer's throat as he laughed at the pathetic display.

"Want me to get that for you?" Roy murmured, allowing Jason to feel the amused smile he was trying to hide by pressing it against his cheek. Jason made an acquiescing sound, wishing they could just get back to what they were doing before. Of course, now that his other hand was free he could put it to better use- like weaving it through Roy's hair. It allowed him to get a better angle, tugging slightly so he could mouth at Roy's neck.

"Jaybird..." He said, voice strained as he seemed to waver slightly. Jason smirked when he felt Roy take a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.

"Who's the message from?" he asked, taking mercy on his partner and shifting slightly so that he wasn't so pressed up against him.

"The contact is called 'Wolfman'? And the message just says... ' _Come c me 2morrow, usual place 11. Got some new info. Come alone, no little birds w/u_ '," Roy looked down at him, seeming faintly amused. "I'm guessing that has some kind of relevance to you that I'm not getting. Care to explain?"

"I'll be happy to do that," Jason said airily, before smirking. " _Later_. But right now, I believe we were in the middle of something."

" _Yes_ ," Roy agreed emphatically, his eyes darkening. "I do believe we were."


	8. Exfrediare

["Exfrediare"- _to break the peace; to commit open violence_ ]

* * *

Jason cursed to himself, scrubbing a hand over his face tiredly. Which was actually very unhelpful, seeing as all it did was smear the blood even further. He was _not_ having the best luck today.

To be honest, he actually expected it. Things had been going way too well for him recently- it was about time that the universe worked to balance itself out.

Roy was... _amazing_. He always had been, but now Jason didn't have to restrain himself from saying it out loud. They weren't quite sure what to call each other (somehow, 'boyfriend' just didn't feel like enough), but they'd been dating for a week now.

Things didn't feel so complicated when he was with Roy. The world went back to a normal speed, instead of whizzing past him too fast to comprehend. It had always been like that, but now Jason knew that it was going to _last_. And that was the most important part.

Belatedly, he caught his reflection in his helmet and realized he was giving a terribly sappy grin. Jason grimaced, ignoring it and sliding the red helmet back on. His work for the night wasn't done, and he still had some time before he had to meet with Isaac. What better way to spend it than beating up some wannabe gangsters?

/=\

Okay, so this was boring as fuck.

There was almost no action tonight. It seemed like everyone was staying in, for once. It was incredibly infuriating, especially since he was hoping to work off some steam. He'd tried to stake out that weird bakery Cal had told him about, but it was pretty clear after the first three hours that the place was abandoned. And in a real hurry, if the mess inside had been any clue.

Now, a year ago that would have been fine. In that time, when he'd still been an angry, wingless ghost haunting his childhood streets, he would've welcomed the monotony of a stakeout. But now that he had people waiting for him to come back, Jason found himself… feeling less enthused.

Well, whatever. It was almost time for him to be going to meet up with Isaac anyways. Jason leapt down from his rooftop perch, moving seamlessly against the shadowy alleyways. _This_ was where he prospered, this was _his_ domain.

At the warehouse, Jason couldn't help the slight shiver that went up his spine. Something about this was rubbing him the wrong way.

He ducked into a side alleyway for a moment, pulling out his special Batman-issued smartphone.

To: Arsenal

 **[10:48PM]** : hey are you still up I need to ask a favor

Jason cringed just a bit as he sent off the text. He preferred using proper grammar in his messages whenever possible, but on the field like this he just didn't have the time. Still, it made the English Major inside him screech in unholy agony.

Luckily, Roy replied right away and distracted him from his thoughts.

 **[10:48PM]** : _yeah I'm here what is it_

 **[10:48PM]** : you've got my location locked on your phone, right

 **[10:49PM]** : _did you get fucking kidnapped again_

 **[10:49PM]** : no not yet

 **[10:49PM]** : _JAYBIRD!_

 **[10:50PM]** : okay I swear it's not as bad as it sounds I may just be paranoid

 **[10:50PM]** : _alright what do you need me to do_

 **[10:52PM]** : can you just text me in about five minutes? and if I don't answer assume that I am in the middle of a knife fight or something and would appreciate some assistance

 **[10:52PM]** : _sure thing_

Jason smiled underneath his helmet, putting the phone away after texting back a quick 'thank you'. This was why Roy had always been his favorite hero to work with, even _before_ the whole death and resurrection thing. He trusted people's instincts and was always there to help a friend in need. And the best part was that Roy wouldn't make fun of you for it- at least in the moment.

Afterwards, if you turned out to be wrong, yeah he would heckle you a ton. But when it counted most, Roy was always on the scene.

And the second Jason stepped into the warehouse, it became obvious that he was gonna need that kind of backup.

"Hey," Isaac said, expression rather sheepish from where he was standing in between two heavily-armed men. "I would say sorry about this, but I'm not really sorry."

Jason could only take a single step backwards before the goons opened fire.

/=\

The second Jason had texted him with his request, Roy was already up and moving. As much as Jason liked to dismiss his observations as simple paranoia (though to be fair, he did have a lot of that as well), Roy knew better.

Jason had incredibly well-honed instincts, from living on the streets, from being in the League of Assassins, from being trained by the fucking Batman. In a combat scenario, there was very little that got past him.

In a social situation? Eh... not quite as good.

But regardless, as a partner and friend, Roy trusted Jason. And he knew that if the notoriously stubborn vigilante was actually reaching out for help, it had to be big. Hadn't he said he was working on some kind of drug case...?

Well, whatever. Five minutes hadn't passed yet, but Roy continued locking up the house and checking to make sure the windows were securely bolted down. Creeping by his daughter's door, he knocked lightly on the door of the guest bedroom.

After a moment of silence, Sasha groggily answered. Once Jason had started working through the mild freak out that had led him to attempt to distance himself from everyone, they had gone back into a lot of their previous patterns- aka, he and Sasha slept over at Roy's place almost four nights a week. Though there was a small difference, since before Jason had slept on the couch, not Roy's bed.

"What is it?" she asked, smothering a yawn against her fist as she blinked blearily at him. Her wings were dragging even more than usual, drooping onto the floor in her tiredness. "Did something happen?"

"Not yet," Roy answered grimly, feeling vaguely guilty about waking her up, but knowing that this was more important. "But Jason asked for me to standby as backup, and you know how he is. If it was dangerous enough for him to ask for help, he probably should've gone into it with backup in the first place."

"True enough," Sasha shook her head, though she had a bit of an indulgent smile on her face. "So, you just want me to keep an eye on Lian?"

"Yes please," Roy said gratefully, relieved that she didn't even question it. "Tomorrow's a Saturday so you won't need to worry about school, but I would appreciate it if you could explain to her why we aren't there. I don't think that it'll take all night, but with the Batfamily? Who knows. Those guys get into more trouble than any of the Arrows ever could."

It hurt, sometimes, to talk about Green Arrow- okay, _most_ of the time. But even though he still hadn't forgiven the man, Roy was sick of having that anger and hurt rule over his life.

Sasha let out a quiet laugh, still conscious of the sleeping child next door. "Well, that's fair. Not a problem, Roy."

For a moment, she hesitated. Then with an emboldened expression, Sasha reached out with one of her broken, damaged wings.

Roy felt like he was holding his breath for an eternity, when the brown feathers twitched in anticipation, held out as far as they could go in an open invitation. His own gold wings eagerly came forward, brushing hers reassuringly.

When she retracted her wings, Sasha looked like she was about to cry.

"Okay," she said hoarsely, a shy grin lighting up her face. "See you in the morning."

With that, she stepped back and closed the door.

Roy could only stare at the wood, something warm and impossibly light filling his chest. It must have been a very long time since Sasha had been able to do that with someone, _trusted_ someone enough to take that simple comfort. Jason, bless him, couldn't help in that department no matter how much he tried.

Truly, Roy was honored that Sasha had given him the privilege to be trusted with her softest side. In their line of work, it meant even more than the average human- and being near Jaybird all the time only helped to illustrate its importance.

/=\

Fucking _bakers_. Actual _pastry chefs_ , what the actual fuck? This was almost worse than dealing with those freaky mimes in Paris.

Still, they were mostly lightweights. Isaac had scurried outta the way of the action immediately (the little rat), so Jason didn't have any hesitation in taking these guys down. By the time Roy showed up, about eight minutes later, the whole thing has mainly been wrapped up.

That's not to say that Jason didn't appreciate the help, however, especially since he'd been shot in the side (a clean hit, thankfully), and some jackass had decided to smack him over the head with a baseball bat. The helmet took most of the blow, of course, but Jason was still feeling a bit woozy and was more than ready for the whole thing to just be over with.

"Well, this is quite a situation you've gotten yourself into, Red," Roy said cheerfully, notching another arrow into his bow. He took out three of the remaining bakers with one of his net arrows, pinning them to the ground.

"Like _you're_ one to talk," Jason retorted, taking an unholy amount of glee in slamming his kneecap into the last goon's face. The sound of someone's nose breaking had never seemed quite so spectacular.

When the room was cleared, chef hat-wearing vandals all down for the count, Roy took the opportunity to scratch the back of his head, giving Jason a bemused look.

"So... what the hell was this all about, anyway?"

"Another one of Gotham's specials," Isaac chimed in, emerging from the shadows once he knew the coast was clear. "Tragic backstory, bakery foreclosed on, you know the drill. Apparently they were trying to take some inspiration from the Joker with the whole 'die happy' thing, but their croissants weren't _that_ good."

"Thanks for all the help back there," Roy said sarcastically, stooping down to grab the arrows that weren't broken beyond repair.

"Well, I'm afraid that I'm allergic to getting stabbed in the face," Isaac shrugged nonchalantly, before hesitating for a moment as he eyed the sluggishly bleeding wound in Jason's side. He let out a sigh, sticking his hands in his pockets. "For what it's worth, I lied before. I am a _little_ sorry. But my crew will always come first."

"I know," Jason said wearily, unable to drudge up anything else after such a long night. "I would expect nothing less."

Isaac studied him, before grunting. "Yeah, sure. Whatever, I'll take care of the bodies. We're even, got it?"

"Got it," Jason agreed, about ready to say anything if it just meant that he could leave. Roy shifted his quiver to his other side and put an arm over Jason's shoulder.

"Let's go."

/=\

The two of them staggered into one of Jason's many safehouses around the city, stripping off their gear with a groan.

Jason faceplanted into the couch, feeling like he could sleep for a month. But, it was still a good kind of exhausted, the feeling of a good day's work instead of being exhausted with the monotony of life.

It didn't stop him from complaining, of course.

"Well, why don't you two just move into my place? Lian's been badgering me to ask you about it for days," Roy commented carelessly, scrubbing at his face in an exhausted gesture. Then, what he said finally caught up with his brain, and his eyes widened in alarm. "Not that I'm only asking because of her- or that I don't think you can take care of yourself- or-"

Jason cut him off with a small laugh, linking their hands together. "That sounds nice."

"...Really?"

"Well, it _would_ be a lot more convenient."

"Oh, so _that's_ how it is."

"Yep. Completely."


	9. Erfüllung

["Erfüllung"- _fulfillment; contentment; the accomplishment of one's desires; completion; fruition; to bring to an end_ ]

* * *

 _"-the matter little birdie-"_

 _"-you're going to kill him-"_

 _"-not very nice-"_

 _"Fuck you!"_

Jason woke with a muted gasp, images of bloody feathers and an eerie cheshire grin dancing in front of his eyes. There was a heavy weight on his chest, and he almost started flailing until he just took a moment to breath.

Next to him, barely visible in the darkness, Roy's red hair was strewn messily over the pillow.

Right, Jason thought to himself, right.

He was at home, he wasn't- there. The weight on his chest was just Roy's arm flung across him, pulling him further into the other's embrace. Jason let out a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed. He was okay.

Roy stirred slightly, blearily opening his eyes.

"Jaybird? S-something wrong?" his words were interrupted by a jaw-cracking yawn, and Jason chuckled, feeling his dark thoughts begin to melt away into oblivion.

"Not anymore," he said quietly, reaching out to gently stroke Roy's cheek.

Roy gave a sappy, half-asleep grin, and in that moment Jason's heart was so warm he thought he might combust.

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad," Roy pulled him forward, nuzzling Jason's neck. His golden wings fluttered, draping themselves over Jason as he let out a happy sigh. "Go back to sleep, Jaybird. We'll all still be here in the morning."

Jason couldn't stop the smile breaking out on his face even if he tried, and he closed his eyes as he followed his partner into the dreamland.

/=\

" _Shh_ , come on."

Someone was cracking open the bedroom door. Jason was awake in seconds, form tense until he recognized the sound. Lian's giggles drifted through the morning air, and Jason subtly nudged Roy in preparation of the attack.

Roy's wings twitched, just slightly, so Jason knew that he had gotten the message.

"Daddy!" Lian jumped on top of them with a squeal of delight, gasping and trying to wriggle away when Jason intercepted her.

Jason tugged her into a hug, smiling at Sasha who was laughing to herself at the foot of the bed.

"Well now, what's going on here?" Roy said, sitting up with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I believe we have some intruders," Jason said gravely, handing the child over to him.

"Yep, two of them!" Roy agreed, giving Lian a bunch of little kisses as she complained and tried to escape.

All thoughts of darkness and nightmares floated away on the breeze, Jason simply taking the moment to enjoy spending time with his family. A family, a _real_ one, god. He never thought he would make it this far.

When he'd crawled out of his grave, half-insane and dead inside, he'd thought that was the end. When he'd been thrown into the Lazarus pit and his vision had been filled with nothing but hatred and green, he'd thought that was the end. During all of his many failures, he'd always had the thought in the back of his mind- _maybe I won't get another chance. Maybe this is it._

Sometimes, he'd wanted it to be.

But now, things were so different. This was the best place he'd ever been in his life, and if he'd had to fight and kill and _die_ for it, so be it.

"Alright, who wants pancakes?" Jason asked, clapping his hands together and forcibly pulling himself out of his somber thoughts.

"Oh, I definitely do!" Sasha cheered, looking more excited by the second. "Last one downstairs is a rotten egg!"

"No, I'm gonna win!" Lian shouted after her, the two of them leaving the room in order to race through the house.

Roy sighed, shaking his head with an indulgent smile. "Well, I better get down there to make sure that neither of them fell and cracked their head open or something."

"Alright," Jason nodded in agreement, sitting up. "I'll be down in just one sec."

"Sounds good."

Roy walked out of the bedroom, wings flaring in a morning stretch as he did. Jason watched in something almost like awe. He never got tired of seeing that beautiful, golden shine.

But now, he too had to get out of bed. He stood reluctantly, ruffling his hair in a vague attempt to fix the tangled mess it'd become overnight. Jason stretched widely, feeling his back muscles pull. Still, it was a good feeling. For once, he didn't feel like he was missing something vitally important- he just felt like Jason Todd. Wingless, badass vigilante. It was a wonderful thought. And he hadn't even had to do patrol last night, so he'd gotten a solid amount of sleep! Not too shabby, if Jason had anything to say about it.

Belatedly, he noticed the notifications blinking on his phone's screen. Jason reached over to pick it up from the bedside table, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

From: Dick

 **[11:02AM]** : _hey littlewing! Kori told me about u and Roy dating_

Jason nearly groaned out loud, already imagining all the whining he was gonna get about not telling the others, but that all faded away when he saw the follow up messages.

 **[11:02AM]** : _I'm glad you're happy Jason_

 **[11:02AM]** : _the others are too_

 **[11:03AM]** : _oh btw Alfred says 'I told you so'_

 **[11:03AM]** : _not even gonna ask_

Jason pressed a hand over his mouth, suppressing the laughter that tried to bubble through. He had a good family.

"Hm, who was it?" Roy asked, peering over from where he was leaning by the doorframe.

Jason smiled a bit, putting the phone back down so that he could turn and face Roy directly. "Just Dick being himself."

"Bad, then?" Roy chuckled, wings fluttering slightly in amusement.

"For once... no," Jason answered honestly, walking forward to peck Roy on the cheek before moving further into the house. He walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen, rummaging around. He started to get out the supplies to make pancakes, listening to the sound of Lian and Sasha romping around upstairs. "No, it was really nice."

Roy gave him a brilliant grin. "I'm glad!"

Jason smiled back, feeling like some kind of heavy burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

 **Notes** :

Well, here we are at the end! I want to thank everyone so much for reading. Sorry it took me so long to get it done, but I'm just glad that I can end 2016 on a happy note like this.

Thanks again, and I really hope you enjoyed!

(also, if you feel like checking out my tumblr or have any questions about the story, feel free! :D [mm-mendell])


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